PYONGYANG, North Korea—Kim Jong-Un, the current Supreme Leader of North Korea has recently opened his nonprofit charity in an attempt to address the sweeping hunger in his country. North Koreans have suffered from poverty for decades now, and as a result many citizens of the country cannot afford basic necessities. They have long tried to voice their complaints to the government so that higher up officials might take notice of the obvious problem that plagues the people of their country, but any citizen that spoke out against the government’s policies were either jailed or immediately given the death penalty. This disconnect between the government and its people has allegedly owed the problem of poverty to become exacerbated with no end in sight for the people suffering.

          However, the people of North Korea have been graciously saved by none other than their Supreme Leader who has surprisingly noticed the starving people that line the streets of his country. Kim Jong-Un stated he took note of the problem of hunger in his country only 7 months ago, and acted quickly to find a solution. Last week he announced the opening of his nonprofit charity effort “Feed North Korea” in an attempt to address the issue that has caused his country’s progress to stagnate for so long. The nonprofit’s stated goal is to raise money that will be given to the government to invest in research on how to end poverty.

          Kim Jong-Un has kidnapped all three of the scientists in his country to be put to work immediately to research a solution and he has given them full access to all of the country’s resources in hopes that this will speed along the process and yield results more quickly. The researchers also have access to an unlimited supply of food to feed their families while they are away from their normal jobs, courtesy of the North Korean government. In the meantime, Kim Jong-Un stated he intends to rapidly decrease the population of his country through any means possible since this will also decrease the population of malnourished people, thereby decreasing the starvation rate.

           The North Korean government has also encouraged people from both inside and outside of the country to help fund the charity program in order to further increase the resources available to the scientists. In only one week, the charity has raised nearly 75 million USD. Kim Jong-Un has applauded the help from all persons who donated, and has excitedly stated that 8,000 USD of the enormous fund will be given directly to feeding the poor, while another 4,000 USD will go to fund the research effort associated with his program. When asked about the 74.988M USD unaccounted for in his distribution, he immediately sentenced the reporter posing the question to death by firing squad. Kim Jong-Un has also vowed to donate 350 USD to “Feed North Korea”, causing many to praise him as a great philanthropist, and the savior of his people.

         UPDATE April 26: Although Kim Jong-Un’s health and whereabouts are now in question members of his government have assured the press that his “Feed North Korea” program will continue although funding may be cut by up to 92%.