MANHATTAN, New York—The Borough of Manhattan Community College has taken students and faculty at top universities alike by surprise as it suddenly dropped to the lowest recorded acceptance rate in world history. Although it is a community college, and presumably accepts all applicants, it has suddenly surpassed all of the most prestigious colleges in the country, boasting a -7% acceptance rate. While some questioned how this was even possible, it is completely clear that BMCC kicked out more students than they accepted this year resulting in a negative acceptance rate. In a statement from the BMCC president, Chief Keef, he said, “Due to a high rate of criminal activity at our school we had no choice but to force many students to transfer to Rikers Island University. So many transferred that we ended up accepting less aspiring scholars than we transferred, suddenly making us the most selective college in the country.”

           U.S. News and World Report, a completely accurate source for college rankings, has immediately updated their National Universities rankings with BMCC coming in as the highest ranking university. U.S. News has also opted to leave the 2nd through 10th spots on their list completely blank just to emphasize the distance between the education quality at BMCC and its supposed “competitors”.

          Evidently, no college is even close to outranking BMCC, and high school students have expressed their concerns about being able to get into a good college. In a statement from the prospective valedictorian of The Bronx High School of Science, Konain Qureshi, said, “I always dreamed of getting into a top 10 ranked college. Unfortunately, now there’s only one college ranked in the top 10 and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to get into BMCC.”Evidently, Borough of Manhattan Community College has become the number one choice for students all across the galaxy.

          Many top universities in the country maintain their status by boasting extremely low acceptance rates. Colleges like Stanford University accept only 2% of all applicants and have contemplated lowering their acceptance rate to 0% in order to establish themselves as the most selective college in the world. This idea has been completely demolished now that BMCC has posted a negative acceptance rate. Many people have begun to call for the removal of Dartmouth University from the Ivy League, citing that it should definitely be replaced by BMCC. The Ivy League is all about selectivity and there is no college more selective than BMCC. Others have suggested that a new league should be created, only for the top 10 schools in the country. Currently, BMCC would be the only school in this league, and will likely remain that way for a while.

          Many have begun calling this new league the “Negative Acceptance League”. Universities like Stanford and MIT have considered kicking out hundreds of their students, in order to get into this league. Other schools have simply rejected every single application that they have received, and have waited for students for students to get sick and drop out. Evidently, not accepting any students, and having students drop out would result in schools vaulting themselves into this new league. BMCC’s negative acceptance rate has changed the way that colleges operate, and has uprooted the entire college acceptance system.